Strange, Racist and Just Damn Inappropriate Products In Thailand

Thailand has provided me with loads of laughs over the last year when it comes to inappropriate products, weird as hell engrish, straight up racist shit, and well – thinks that are just very, very strange.

Here are a some of the gems in the “TIT: This is Thailand” section of my iPhone.

Black Man Spin Mop Tops Market & Black Man Mop – Bangkok: Black Man Spin MopBlack Man Mop

Thailand has a weird time dealing with race, its one of the most racist, nationalist and xenophobic places I’ve ever been in, but often the racism is unintentional, or ignorant.

I’m pretty sure that of these two products that one is real, and the other one is a knock off, which shows they’ll knock off anything here in Thailand. I’m not sure what message these mops intend to send, but they sure as hell pander to some pretty racist, slavery type stereotypes.

The other brand in Asia that used to exist was Darkie toothpaste, a black toothpaste that featured a man of darker than usual complexion on the box. It has since been changed to Darlie due to being owned by a major international oral care company.

I’m Not Gay – Kids Notebook, Mall near Khao San RoadI'm Not GaySexuality is another weird one in Thailand.  Even though there are brothels (Which of course don’t officially exist, and definitely don’t pay the cops off every day) everywhere, and Ladyboys are everywhere, other potrayals of sexuality are still taboo.  Vibrators are banned, lesbian couples made up of Tom’s and Dee’s are walking hand in hand everywhere but often don’t consumate their relationship (only low class sluts sleep with each other before marriage is a common conception among the upper classes – at least publicly), and I’m pretty sure that homosexuality is still frowned upon in certain areas.  Contradictions everywhere! 

I’ve got no idea if this is just incredibly bad engrish, a product of google translate or homophobia targeted at children – you decide.

Bag of Cock, Tesco Lotus – BangkokBag Of CockSure, we all know its chicken – but my juvenile sense of humour finds this funny.  Then again, I also laughed when I saw a bag of cheese labeled Rape’ (which is apparently French for grated) as well. 

Cooking with Poo – Near Chong Nonsi BTS in Asia BooksCooking with PooBelieve it or not, Poo is a common Thai nickname (one of the top 10 apparently) and means crab.  Thai nicknames are given to children at birth to confuse spirits and often mean the opposite of what the kid looks like.  That said, I still find the idea of cooking with faecal matter hilarious.  Apparently cooking with poo is one of the top rated activities on trip advisor for Germans. Looking to buy a copy and cook with Poo at home – grab one at Amazon.com! 

English For Bargirls Volume 1 – Khao San Road for 250 BahtEnglish For BargirlI'll Let You Punish MeWhat every hooker needs when learning how to drain male tourists out of their hard earned life savings, English For Bargirls teaches them such wonderful pickup lines as “I’ll let you punish me all night like, Dear” (The “Dear” really softens the line) and “Oh its so big”, as well as standards like “My brother is sick and I need the money”. 

Lollies that Look Like Anal Beads – Big C, Koh PhanganAnal Bead LolliesSex toys are illegal in Thailand as they are considered objectionable, I’m not sure if these were intentionally designed to look like something you shove up your pooper or not – but I’m guessing they are pretty popular in certain households. 

Black Cock Liquor – Everywhere that motorcycle taxi drivers hang outBlack CockYou haven’t lived unless you’ve had some “Black Cock” inside you, or so I’ve been told.  This stuff is nasty,  a bottle of pure hatred and has started more fights on the islands than I care to recall.  It proves the old phrase wrong “once you’ve gone black you’ll never go back”, instead its more along the lines of “once you’ve gone black, you’ll wake up with memory loss, missing kidneys and a katoey next to you”. 

Pooh Squirt Gun, Koh TaoPooh Squirt GunWhen looking for ideal weaponry during Sonkgran festival there is nothing deadlier than a Pooh Squirter.  The locals just couldn’t understand why this immature male was giggling so much. Actually squirting poo out of this is not recommended, and may void warranties, implied or otherwise. 

Pink Nipple Cream – Watsons Chemist, BangkokPink Nipple CreamAnother bit of lovely ingrained racism in Thailand.  Whitening goes into virtually every skin care product as although foreigners tend to be considered an inferior, temporary species here, locals who look whiter are considered to be from high society.  No longer will your boyfriend think you are some kwai nong from Issan with your brand new bleached funbags – change those ugly brown nips into something pink and live the life you’ve always dreamed of. I hate to think what this stuff actually has in it – but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t involve tiny robots with spraycans like the “nanotechnology” labelling implies. If you really wanna bleach your nips, you can grab a tube on Amazon.com.

Whats the weirdest shit you’ve seen for sale in Thailand?

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